The O’ Neals- Tatum and Ryan

I finally took the time to sit down and watch an episode of Ryan and Tatum O’ Neal’s new show, which currently airs on Oprah’s OWN Network. The focus of the show is to reveal the troubled father/daughter relationship up close, and their attempts at repairing the years of damage it has suffered. In today’s episode, Tatum and Ryan headed to Washington DC to take part in a tribute to Farrah Fawcett at the Smithsonian Institute. Earlier this year, on Farrah’s birthday, her famous red swimsuit was officially dedicated to the Institute, along with several of her scripts from the one season she starred on “Charlie’s Angels”. I also noticed the Farrah beauty center, and my old Farrah doll on display at the ceremony. Ryan spoke briefly. Also in attendance was their son, Redmond, along with other family and close friends. You could easily see Ryan was very glad to have Tatum there.

Tatum had issues about whether to attend, or not. One of the most bitter parts of their relationship is Farrah. Tatum was a teenager when Ryan and Farrah became a duo. She has not recovered from the union. Shortly after becoming an item, Ryan moved in with Farrah, leaving Tatum and her younger brother, Griffin, behind. The two teens were on their own, with no parental supervision. The result? Ongoing drug and alcohol abuse, and other forms of out of control behavior. From what I have read and heard, Griffin had no problem with Farrah, but Tatum did. To this day, she still feels she was abandoned by her father. He chose Farrah over her. Ryan admitted on the show he didn’t know how to balance the two, that he dropped one for the other.

I have seen the impact of Farrah Fawcett. She captivated the country in the ’70s. From her swimsuit poster to that famous hairstyle, her influence was overwhelming. I have seen other sex symbols since then, but I can’t think of anyone who caused such of a firestorm in my lifetime the way Farrah did. It can be hard for those who do not remember, or who were not alive at the time to understand. It was one of those things you had to see for yourself.

I can sympathize with Tatum, and understand the hurt she continues to harbor. However, she does whine about it all more than she should, a bit too much for me. In her defense, she did go to see Farrah when she was ill, plus it seems she wants to have a good feeling towards Farrah now. She seems to regret the years they spent apart, when they could have been close. Instead, she allowed jealousy and bitterness rob her of what could have been a good friendship. I guess this explains her being seen in a Farrah t-shirt shortly after she passed away, and attending the 2010 TV Land Awards with Ryan, which paid tribute to her.

I think if he were to tell her he was wrong in his actions, that alone would produce an enormous amount of healing within their relationship. A person often wants to hear the other party say they were wrong, to be told that face to face. Ryan has yet to do this. If anything, he has added salt to the wound. Following the completion of the series, he publicly stated he believes Tatum’s behavior had a hand in Farrah getting cancer. That was a low, cruel blow to a person with a very fragile emotional state. The two are yet again not on speaking terms.

All things considered, whether this relationship will ever heal remains to be seen. Although it seems doubtful, I hope they can do it, while there is still the gift of time.


~ by kmnnz on July 26, 2011.

62 Responses to “The O’ Neals- Tatum and Ryan”

  1. One aches for Tatum. Her father is so terribly, terribly blind to the incredible harm his neglect did to his own flesh and blood. It’s easy to get that he had a lot of love/lust for Farrah Fawcett. But that only carries so far in the greater scheme of things. His obligation was to his precious daughter/child. He is like many, many men who can somehow go dead to their own responsibilities. I pray that Ryan O’Neil will find a way to ask his daughter’s forgiveness. Beg for it, even. On his knees? When one plays such a key role in wrecking another’s life, and is supposedly the more responsible of the two, the only possible good that can come is to seek forgiveness. This brings in the question of, well, God…who does not seem to factor much into the story here. But that’s where the heart of forgiveness lies. May Ryan O’Neil find it in him, at long last, to “man up” and pray for his daughter’s forgiveness.

  2. I feel the exact opposite. Throughout this series Ryan has done every single ridiculous thing Tatum has asked him to do, (including parroting her words about him abandoning her, when they have both spoken extensively about her being the one who left because she could not stand Farrah), claiming he would do anything to repair the relationship. Tatum has done very little besides whine and whine about how she was abandoned and mistreated, and how HE is the reason for every single poor decision she has made in her life. I am not saying he was perfect, no parent is, but she needs to grow up and lose the victim mentality. She talked him into going to therapy “for their relationship”, then she dropped out after 2 sessions. If this relationship is ever going to be repaired, she also needs to go to extensive therapy to deal with her 30 year old anger about her father remarrying. This episode was a perfect example. He obviously needed her support to do this, and showed his appreciation for her being there in every way possible, and his love for her was so evident. All she did was whine about how she disliked Farrah and how hard it was for her to be there. NO mention of how difficult this might be for HIM. She chose to take those drugs, she chose to make decisions that caused her to lose her children….until she takes responsibility for that, she has no chance.

    • You make some very valid points. Thanks for taking the time to share them with me.

    • I completely agree. How many dads would even do therapy??
      It’s time Tatum grows up, and realizes she made her own mistakes, own up!
      Ryan was far from the perfect father, clearly he is trying to mend the past.
      I just watched this weeks episode, and I enjoy the Ryan scenes. He is kinda funny and clueless all at the same time.
      I FF thru Tatum scenes.
      Sorry Tatum, others have had it alot worse than you did, and they turn out just fine and don’t hold hatred in their heart.

      • You have a point. For instance, Tatum did have a pretty successful career at one point, which began in childhood. Too bad it came to an end so soon. Yes, she does need to let the hatred go, for her own good.

        Thanks for commenting!

  3. I had no idea what a complete jerk that Ryan ( and that is the nicest word i have 4 him) truely is.

    Don’t know about the rest of you, and this may seem petty, but when Ryan KISSES Tatum on the MOUTH —every time he gets a chance…well it’s creepy and wierd. He’s her FATHER….GROSS !
    Lastly, not only is he extremely childish… ex. : when he hears the truth about his abuse on her and the other children of his, he goes on the defensive, says snide remarks, then will cancel an upcoming event or ask 4 a gift he gave her back……. who does that? The saying… ” Noone will know 4 sure how stupid u r, until u open ur mouth” applies here in that, i had no idea what an abusive, controlling, abondaning his fatherly duties, a womaninzing pig, verbally abusive, and if u notice he will only surround himself w/ girls/women….probably because men…..REAL MEN challenge him , wld not put up w/ his b.s. , and make him look like the pig that he is.

    Tatum, if you happen 2 read this, give it up. He will never change or admit to the hell he has caused you and your brothers. Cut him loose for your own sanity….. Good luck.

    • Yeah, Ryan does have some growing up to do. Problem is he obviously doesn’t realize it. Funny what you said about his kisses on the mouth.

      Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!

  4. Tatum if you read this…let go of the hatred.
    So clearly he is trying…and he enjoys being with you!! The thoughtfulness he shows toward you. Isn’t that worth letting go of the past somewhat?
    My dad would never go to therapy, and there were plenty of issues.
    He isn’t going to be around forever, he already has a broken heart from one women, give him a chance, you would be the 2nd love of his life to hurt him like you are. lol

    • Very true words. Losing someone you never made amends with is devastating. She would never get over it.

      Thanks also for bringing out the fact that he has tried therapy. I honestly hadn’t given that very much thought. The outlook of others is so important.

  5. I only hope Tatum can read these blogs.
    Whatever her continuing anger is, it isn’t all about Ryan.

    • So do I.
      No, there are other issues she is dealing with as well, and suppressing anger is always detrimental.

  6. Curious how Ryan is doing with Redmond now that he again has been arrested for heroin possession.
    What is with this kid? He doesn’t live at home. Ryan support him and his drug habit??
    The few times they showed him on the show, he is skinner than hell.
    What a loser!

    • I was shocked by how much he has aged. He looks like an old man in the face. I heard he bought a house with some of his mother’s money. Looks like he’s been wasting the rest on drugs.

      She’d be so disappointed he still hasn’t cleaned up his act. I wonder just what went wrong with him?

      • He was in prison before she died for this same kind of drug. He is a junkie. Ryan was quoted as saying ‘he never got over his mothers death’. BULL. He was an addict before she died. Ryan is in denial.
        Yea I forgot about Farrah’s
        Karma….for all Ryan’s mistakes in the past…..sad to watch it happen to someone who we grew up with looking at his an an idol!

      • Yeah, really sad. Redmond’s been in a bad place for quite a while. I wonder if something went wrong with his upbringing?

        He needs help, but who is there to do it? He obviously can’t do it on his own.

  7. I don’t think you can say it was only his upbringing, Ryan abused drugs. As did Tatum and her brother. Isn’t that stuff hereditary??
    As surprised as I was with the arrest, I wasn’t surprised. The few times they have showed him on TV he looked skinny and strange.
    I had a feeling he was still ‘using’.
    I read in PEOPLE magazine that Ryan said of his arrest ‘he is such a good boy’. WAKE UP Ryan. He is a good boy. But very sick!!!!!

    • Ryan is messed up and confused himself, so how can he help Redmond? He seems lost as to what to do with him.

      It might be hereditary. I’m not sure if Patrick, Ryan’s son with Leigh Taylor-Young, has had any drug problems or not. I don’t think Ryan had too much contact with him, which would explain him not being messed up, too.

  8. Did I know he had a child with Leigh-Taylor-Young?
    What name does the boy go by?? Patrick O’Neil??

    • I think that is his name. He’s kept out of the spotlight much more than his siblings.

      Actually, I need to check on that..

  9. I did yesterday. He was married to Rebecca Demorney and has 2-3 kids with her. I was shocked to read that.
    He had done some acting, nothing major.
    I am sure he is living off his mom’s money?
    I didn’t research long enough to see how often he has contact with his dad.
    They did mention who his half/siblings were.
    Hope this helps!
    Maybe Daddy will hire him for his new show with Tatum?? lol

    • Thanks!

      I looked him up a few minutes ago. He is a sportscaster, and he and Ryan are estranged. Sounds like Ryan has a knack for that. I don’t know if he has a relationship with Tatum, Redmond, and/or Griffin, but I have a feeling the answer is no.

  10. He is a sportcaster? I saw that and I thought that was another Patrick O’Neil??
    I am sure he has no relationship with his dad. I don’t remember him at Farah’s funeral. And they emphasised that Tatum was there.
    Haven’t watched last night’s episode yet.

    • I haven’t watched it either.

      He works for FOX. I remember seeing him on a pic with Farrah, Ryan, Griffin, and her nephew. That was in the early ’80s.

      They did talk about Tatum being at her funeral quite a bit. Griffin and his wife came with their baby, but Ryan barred them from coming inside. The drove around 300 miles to be there. That was very rude.

  11. Very rude. Does Ryan have that many people in his life that he can afford to send away a chlld?

  12. I wonder what Tatums problem is with her kids. Did she lose custody and was it because of drugs and have her kids forgiven her?? I think she should look at herself and what kind of Mother she was…..She would be much happier if she could and would forgive Ryan for the part he had , His wife at the time was a drug addict and he left. He should have taken his kids, Big mistake………She is such an unforgiving person. Again, what kind of Mother is she…..?????????????

    • I do think it was b/c of the drugs. From what I’ve read, she and her kids are on good terms now. I too wonder why he left the kids behind when he split from their Mom? Then he went and got Tatum only, not Griffin. He didn’t live with them until the late ’70s.

      They are a very bizarre group!

      Thanks for your comments.

    • well Tatum is on good terms with her children now, but you never know when they might speak on some harbored ill feelings towards her as a parental figure i feel she whines way too much and always looks on the verge of tears shaking her head!!!! Cmon i am also starting to ff thru the Tatum scenes! she needs to get over herself and forgive her Dad while she has the chance.

      • I agree, because look at the regret she has shown about not having given Farrah Fawcett a chance.

        If her kids were to ever come out and write a book or something like that in a negative way, I can only imagine what her reaction would be.

        Thanks for sharing your comments!

  13. I remember years ago she lost custody of her kids due to her drug problems. Sounds like they are in her life now, however we don’t see them.
    Ryan made some bad mistakes as a father, however, she is bitter and angry and won’t let go of the past..
    Ryan has more than tried to do right, he seeks help, etc…nothing is enough for Tatum.

    • All I’ve seen of her kids are a few pics, that’s about it. I was hoping they would appear on the show, but maybe they are trying to avoid the spotlight. After all, it hasn’t helped their Mom very much.

      Letting go of the past is hard for a lot of people, including Tatum. However, if you want to really heal and move forward, that’s the only way. It’s worth it. Holding on to bitterness is always very destructive. The Bible says “anger rests in the bosom of fools.”

      Thanks for your comments!

  14. If I saw her father wasn’t trying, I would feel different.
    Clearly he is trying to heal the past and include her in his life.
    He loves her.
    There comes a point in one’s life, where we have to stop blaming our parents for how we turned out and take responsibilty for yourself..
    Stop putting blame on others. OWN up!! lol

  15. I have been transfixed watching every episode and just watched tonights episode where the therapy session went horribly wrong when Tatum was looking for Ryan to say he was sorry for laying his hands on her whilst she was pregnant and also commenting that Ryan brutalized her when she was a child. It was a very difficult therapy session to watch. Tatum although outwardly appeared calm in her anger towards her dad who callously stated that she didn’t miscarry from him pushing her, clearly has deep scars from her father’s behaviour towards her. I at times sympathize with Ryan as he looks like he has never heard of the accusations before and can’t believe she is saying them to him. When I say that I sympathize, I do not mean that I think Tatum is lying although Ryan has stated many times that she has made things up. His body language and facial expressions are quite clear to me that he is shocked by what she is saying. They both do not have the same perception of events. Tatum really is looking for validation from Ryan that he was a horrible parent. Whether that is true or not, I am unsure but I feel very sad for both of them as each in their own way are really trying. They are so dysfunctional and each of them have their own demons that they are wrestling with. I hope that they both find the peace that they are looking for. Whether they get that from each other, remains to be seen but both Tatum and Ryan need to let go of the past so that their future is brighter. This episode was so sad to watch as they both had such hope for a good outcome.

    • Thanks for sharing your comments!

      I have also noticed how Ryan reacts when Tatum mentions these things. There is always a look of genuine shock.

      I wonder if there will be a sequel to their show, or has too much damage been done for them to even consider trying again? Sadly, their relationship may be worse now than before.

  16. What I took away from that episode, is as soon as Ryan said he ‘had it’ and walked out of therapy, Tatum looked scared.
    She loves her dad, loves having him in her life, yet she also enjoys brutalizing him when the ‘mood’ hits her.
    Is this a side effect to the drugs? Could be.
    Tatum needs to figure out what she wants, and stop playing her games.
    She is way too old for games.
    If Ryan hurt her so bad, then keep him out of your life Tatum!!

    • That might be the best thing, to go on without him in her life. She has her kids, Griffin, and I’m assuming Redmond, so perhaps she should stop trying to make it work with him.

      Thing is if she is going to do that, she is going to have to stick with it. No more looking or going back.

    • i have to respond to the last comment i tottaly agree that Tatum seems to enjoy being cruel to her dad. its like they will be talking and laughing and then this dark look comes over Tatum and she says something mean, maybe it is a result of the drugs she did!

  17. I just watched last night’s episode and almost fell over when Ryan and Tatum were in therapy. There is most definitely something wrong with her. When he brought up that she (and John) did not call him back when he tried to establish contact with them…..and she went on and on about him living in the past and how he won’t let go of it. Then in that eerily calm voice said she is getting very angry (her “go to” whenever she doesn’t like being called on something). Then she said she could bring things up but doesn’t. HUH? She needs someone to be brutally honest with her and point out the difference between what she thinks she does and what she actually does. Saying you don’t bring it up does not make it reality, it is ALL she ever talks about…and wrote an entire book about it.

    Also, for her to say he tortured and brutalized her is just sickening. What a slap in the face to those who really HAVE been. Tell Jaycee Duggard about how you were tortured and brutalized, Tatum. Seriously.

    He’d be better off walking away. She has no interest in a relationship, she simply needed an outlet for her whining and blaming. She could just pay someone for that.

    • He’s living in the past?? So is she. That’s a huge part of their problem.

      Sure, Ryan’s been a lousy father, more clueless than anything about how to be a parent, but to use words like “tortured” and “brutalized” is a bit much.

      No doubt they did this show for two reasons- exposure, and the money.

      • Yep they did do this show for the money. I am going to assume that this show is the highest rating for OWN channel as well.

      • That is a good point, because I don’t think any other show on OWN has been quite this popular.

    • EXCELLENT post. I hope Tatum reads these boards, Or I wish I knew how to contact her, I would give her a reality check real quick. lol

  18. I love reading all the comments on this show! Aren’t you glad you brought it up, Kmn???

    On another note, since there are OWN reality show watchers here, did any of you watch “Finding Sarah”? I LOVED watching that one…not like Ryan and Tatum that just has me mesmerized…but really enjoyed it. Now there is someone who owns her mistakes and truly wanted to change things and find herself. I just adore her. Would love to hear others’ opinions on that!

    • Finding Sarah? On OWN? No I haven’t heard of it. A series or a movie?
      I just went over to the OWN forum and voiced what I had to say about Tatum.
      I would suggest you all do that. If she is going to read anything it will be over there.
      Also, apparently there is one more episode and the season is over.
      Will they renew??

      • Debra- Finding Sarah started the same night as Ryan and Tatum, but it was only 6 episodes. It was Sarah Ferguson, Prince Andrews ex-wife. She was “finding herself”…trying to find out how she went from being a princess married to her prince that she adored, to someone who could do what she did with the tabloids (although she was set up, she takes much blame for it). She really pushed herself to figure out why, as she puts, it, she sabotages herself every time. By the end of the 6 episodes she truly was a different person….confident, sure of herself and her opinions, genuine, and open. I always liked her, but even more so after seeing this. She worked HARD digging into her childhood, her psyche and her physical being.

      • It’s a reality show, but Cathy’s comment gives much more in-depth info about it!

        Glad you decided to post on the OWN forum. Good idea! I wish they would renew, because I have to admit, I’ve become hooked on the show, and all of their drama.

        Then again with money being a factor, along with the extra attention and exposure, they might..

    • So am I! I didn’t realize so many other people had been watching it, too.

      I watched some of “Finding Sarah”. I’ve always liked Fergie, so I was interested from the beginning. It is refreshing to see someone admit they’ve messed up, and see they want to make their life better. I wish her nothing but the best 🙂

  19. OK now I know what you are talking about.
    Is OWN all about self-help topics??
    Geez if they want to self help me, put my soaps on that network! 🙂

  20. Tatum needs to stop being a baby. She blames everything in her life on her father… what about her mother?? drug addict alcholic did her mother play no part in her own issue’s? she needs to get over the past and live in the here and now! Ryan is doing everything she has asked and it is not good enough, Tatum will never fully recover if she continue to bing up the past! she baits her father at every turn to make whatever time they spend togetther tense. Tatum you need to either move on without your father or just forgive and forget and stop being selfish. you are not the center of anyone’s universe but your own. you sound like a selfish brat. find a therapist that will help you not feed your insecurity.

    • I agree…go post this on OWN for her to see!

    • Thanks for your comments!

      I have always wondered how did her mother get on drugs? I remember seeing her in a few ’60s TV shows, like The Fugitive and The Andy Griffith Show. She was very pretty, but she just seemed to fade from the public eye.

    • I agree. She’s almost fifty. She hammers at her father and does bait him. He is older Nd set in his ways. He has tried, but like Billy bush said in an interview with her recently why not move on andive in the present. Tatum plays the martyr. At her age. She’s miserable and I hope she doesn’t end up being 70 with her children on her for doing heroin in front of them and abandoning her children. She will Play the victim and blame daddy for her whole life and decisions.

  21. Tatum whines and whines. She had a long marriage and lost her children over her drug addiction. She wants someone else to take the blame for her life and lives in the past. Ryan wasn’t a great father but at his Age he is trying, but at some point you move on and tatum seems unable to. I think she’s an unhappy person and expects too much of him. A year ago she was trying to buy crack. She has let her children down so much also.

  22. Haven’t been on here for awhile as I wanted to watch the finally first.
    Whoever mentioned above about Tatum’s kids writing a book about their childhood I found interesting. I wonder if anyone has pointed that out to Tatum?

    Going forward, it was nice to see her apologize to him. NO relationship with anyone is perfect Tatum, and if that is what you are looking for, you will live a miserable life.

    In regards to the comment that Ryan looks SHOCKED everytime Tatum brings up I noticed that too!

    I wish them the best. I really do. Time to move on. Now I read somewhere on some blog that Oprah reached out to Redmond to join the show. We will wait and see if that is true.

    • I watched the finale yesterday. It was definitely good to see her step, and offer an apology of her own. That’s right, no relationship is without flaws, so anyone who is expecting that is in for a big disappointment.

      I too wish them the best. Too much time has been wasted already. Having Redmond as a part of the show would be very interesting. Like I said before, I’m hoping for a part 2!

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